Resentment #AtoZChallenge

Resentment     #AtoZChallenge

It is not uncommon to experience resentment when facing a long term illness. Don’t beat yourself up if you encounter it. How you manage the resentment will make all the difference in your ability to work through it. Regardless of whether you resent yourself or think a loved one is feeling resentful towards you, you can conquer this!

When you feel as if you have lost your sense of self due to a chronic illness or injury, it is not at all unusual to feel some sort of resentment. Resentment towards life in general for the hand you were dealt. Resentment towards the person who just walked by you in the grocery store with apparent ease. Resentment towards medical professionals who you feel may be dismissing your symptoms. Or even resentment towards yourself for a perceived weakness in succumbing to whatever challenge you are facing.

Conversely, you could be the target of resentment. Friends may be resentful that you can no longer participate as actively in your friendships and activities. Possibly the family member or loved one that is your primary caregiver is resentful towards you for the additional burden on them. Maybe you feel that your children resent your illness and the fact that you may not be able to participate in activities with them as you once did.

Resentment can take many forms and go both ways. I think the most important tool towards dealing with any perception of resentment is open and honest communication skills. Second to that is the ability to step back and look at the issues surrounding the feelings of resentment as objectively as possible. Often these feelings may be perceived as opposed to real. If they are real, then it is up to you to initiate a discussion on how to change or resolve these potentially devastating feelings. There are no easy answers, but you can work through these feelings!

Do you have a story about feelings of resentment that you would like to share? How do you manage perceived feelings of resentment in your life? Share with us in the comments below!

2 Replies to “Resentment #AtoZChallenge”

  1. Yeah. I was met with lots of resentment. It wasn’t perceived — I actually got it in writing. Someone who was once my best friend hated me for no longer being able to keep up, for “getting” to stay home, and other cruel words that did cut deeper than any blade. And she took four other friends with her when I kicked her out of my life. (Given the other choice was, I kid you not, suicide. She genuinely stated either I die or we stop being friends. It sounds like no real loss, I realize. I suppose we had been friends of circumstance rather than of real whatever.)

    And yes, I resent the doctor who made me worse, who falsified my medical records. But I really resent the lawyers who didn’t help. I resent that there’s obviousness but not evidence. That if I were rich enough to afford more and better lawyers, I’d win. So maybe I resent our whole legal system for being just a bit more broken than we’ll admit.

    Resentment and anger. Yeah, guess that defines the life I have. Not hope.

    1. You are not alone! I too have experienced true resentment, so I can totally understand where you are coming from. While it may not feel like it, especially when we are in the immediate aftermath of the loss, we truly are better off. I’d rather have one or two true friends that will stick by me no matter what than twenty friends who are only there when it is convenient and beneficial to them. That being said, I certainly wish there were more true friends out there for it can get rather lonely with just one or two people with whom you can speak openly about life. And when you do see those people you are often concerned with not wanting to dominate the discussion or being too negative lest they leave you like most others have. So it is definitely a delicate balancing act. Resentment towards medical professionals is quite common and also totally understandable. Most of us were raised in an era where we were taught to respect the almighty and all-knowing physician. The truth is that they know a lot less than we think. All too often the phrase “do no harm” seems to be lost in their quest to get out of our exam room and on to the next patient when we present with a complicated history and an illness or symptoms that are not immediately recognized.

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